Sharknados and Zombie Apocalypses 

I'm not sure why the world has become obsessed with zombies. I'm far more concerned that I'll never find Heath Bar Crunch ice cream again. Zombies are just brain-eating dead people. I don't see what's so scary about that, other than the fact that there are a large number of people who are severely short of brains out there, which increases the risk for those of us with full-sized brains. The best way to get rid of a zombie is to carry a flamethrower, and I'm lucky that I travel with a set of wheels and a backpack everywhere I go - I can roll away while burning those flesh-deficient brain-suckers.

Sharknados are no big deal. You just go to the ladies room on the first floor of a 30-story building. No windows, and the extra protection of a steel cage around you.

So now you know. You're welcome!

But what is even more terrifying than a zombie apocalypse or a sharknado? Yes, planting a vegetable garden without owning even a postage stamp-sized plot of dirt. Burning down your apartment or hiding in the bathroom will not solve this issue. Instead, you only have to read the following instructions and you will be eating fresh vegetables in no time (well, that's not true - you'll have to wait about six weeks).

Here is a step-by-step guide for growing a vegetable garden in containers right on your patio or balcony.

What you'll need:

Enough 30 gallon rubber containers for the vegetables you want to plant
A drill
6 8-foot 1x2 wood planks, cut in half
High-quality organic potting soil
Bamboo garden stakes
Garden tape
Watering can filled with water

Step 1

Turn the rubber containers upside down and drill 12 to 15 holes in the bottom of each

Step 2

Line 2 of the 1x2 boards parallel to one another and set the first container lengthwise on them.

Step 3

Fill the container nearly to the top with soil

Step 4

Plant one type of vegetables in each container

Step 5

Place bamboo stakes beside each plant (for climbing or large plants only) and use garden tape to secure the plants to the stakes.

Step 6

Water thoroughly, and then just water regularly and watch your vegetables grow!


Having fresh vegetables readily available will give you the freedom to eat healthy, delicious foods, and now you know it's as easy as 1..2..3!